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Some things just tip the scales. It's like a switch is flipped and it's on. Whatever it is. For me after reading about St. Onge and his crazy life growing up traveling around the world on a boat I've been feeling itchy feet. Truth be told I've been feeling this way for a while now. I just don't know how to shut off my extreme desire to be away from here - here being my work, this city this whole life experience that I have day to day. I miss traveling to far flung places, not knowing what's going to happen next and pushing myself to the outer edge of what I think is possible. But what I miss most is how amazing I feel when I return. How everything is better because I have what would amount to a "forced" perspective. It's like shaking an Etch-A-Sketch. The lines that I've drawn in the sand tumble to the bottom then the top, rearranging themselves into a non form. I'm free to drawn anything.
Let's face it, most people could use a vacation. Time away is time we don't usually have - a chance to be something other than your job or your family. No one knows you and no one cares. For me that is levity. A true escape.
So now my question arises...what am I trying to escape from?
The easy answer would be I'm not. I know myself to be a fuller, more open version of my self when I travel. I am overtly friendly, confident and easy to connect with. I like that. But I feel like, with all the things that way me down here I can never be exactly that. I need to have the time to breath.
A couple years ago I climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. It was no small feat. It was grueling and ultimately left me with swollen toes with minimal feeling in them. It came back, the feeling, but while climbing that mountain I promised myself that I would be true to how I feel when I'm climbing. I find this almost impossible here.
So maybe it is a manufactured escape. One where I know I can be a fuller me and that matters more than worrying about the why of it.